We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
