Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
