I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
