whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
