I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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