"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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