It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
