ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
