pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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