I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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