College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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