How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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