she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
