So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
