hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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