My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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