Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
