So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
