omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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