Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
