Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
