I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
