The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize