I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
