"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
