Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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