I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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