I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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