I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
