So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize