I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
