very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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