did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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