my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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