You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
