Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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