"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
