One girl and one boy is just not enough.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i love accidental penises.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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