Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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