I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
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actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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