I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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