Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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