Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
