My hand turned me down
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
