Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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