so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
