You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
