We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
