I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
