So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
