I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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