im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
