This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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