my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
