Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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