mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every concussion has its silver lining
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
