it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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