You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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