It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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