I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
