the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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