"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
