Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
