so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
